Self-help

On Wisdom

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A badass individual acknowledges that no one, including oneself (as Badass as one might be), has the capacity to know everything. And because of this, the Badass is on a constant mission to gain knowledge, and by any means necessary.

There once was a wise, silly old Badass with a bushy-ass mustache, and under the pen name Mark Twain was believed to have said,

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

In other words, don’t speak of what you don’t know.

Ain’t that some truth to keep you and I out of trouble?

Damn straight.

But the true Badass wouldn’t stop there. The Badass would investigate and research the topic so that if the conversation was ever revisited, the Badass would have something worthwhile to add. (And a Badass is always worthwhile.)

The above quote attributed to Twain, for instance, has been known to have been coined not only by Twain, but Abraham Lincoln, the Bible, and various others. The Badass would not post or share that shit until further investigating just to be sure Mr. Clemens, a.k.a. Mr. Twain, did in fact give this wise-ass piece of advice (so as not to misquote or mislead some motherfuckers). This golden rule would apply to Badass journalists, writers, teachers, and friends as well: Don’t speak of what you don’t know; if you don’t know, find out.

Which leads us to another Badass. Enter the Badass Quote Investigator, Garson O’Toole from Yale and shit.

“Just why is Garson O’Toole deemed a Badass?” you ask.

As made evident by his website, this bastard is unstoppable when it comes to researching the source of quotes. And more importantly, he doesn’t just keep the information for himself and laugh at the blatant stupidity of the rest of our sorry asses–he shares that shit with the world. That’s right–makin’ the world a better, more informed place and shit–one curiosity at a time.

That, Commander, is Badass defined.

He shared that the quote can most likely be attributed to Maurice Switzer, in her book “Mrs. Goose, Her Book” published in 1907 and with slightly different wording (though the same meaning):

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”

Read that shit.

That quote is one for every Badass to hold dear and as doctrine. That quote, with it’s source found, is one that a Badass can share with confidence.

Badass bottom line:

The Badass won’t speak of what they don’t know; if they don’t know, they’ll find out.

On Tolerance

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It is much easier to judge than to love, which is why you are more likely to find folks flappin’ at the mouth rather than listening to others with open hearts and minds.

You’ll know a righteous Badass by their keen ability to listen, accept, and tolerate those who disagree with them.

The Badass is confident enough to not feel threatened by disagreements and differences, but instead is intrigued and ultimately enriched by them.

All unshakable and shit.

On Clear and Honest Communication

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A Badass individual understands communication is not limited to the verbal form, but is more honestly found in the actions of one’s self and of others. Like some Badass wild animals, and shit.

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“Always listen to your teacher and do what he says.”

“Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

“Pay attention to what I’m saying.”

“Do as I say, not as I do.”

“You had better listen to your Nana.”

Did you ever get sick of that “listen” bullshit when you were a kid? You bet your sweet ass you did, Scout. Because when we were children, we were still in tune to all types of natural communication that occurs in humans and animals alike so we often knew straight away when someone was full of shit and should be avoided, ignored, or escaped from entirely.

“But I don’t like him mommy! He’s a scary man!”

“Get your ass over there and say hi to Mr. Rupert, this instant!”

“But, but, but . . . “

Then, over time, our innocent little asses were domesticated. We were broken like wild horses until we could no longer trust our own instincts but instead were trained to place importance on the words of others, like good little submissive puppets should. (And every Badass knows good little puppets shut up, work really hard, and go into debt by buying lots of shit to make the sting of shutting up feel better all the while making a very few people very, very rich.)

“I’m so sorry. I’ll never hurt you again,” said for the fifth time.

“No one will ever love you like I do,” said following a terrible insult.

“You’ll never get anywhere in this world. You’re a loser.” said by a Class A dumb ass.

In our domesticated state of mind we often choose to trust words and ignore actions. Again and again we return to the unnatural, the unsafe, the unhealthy—like a fly returns to a hot, steaming pile of caca. Some asshole insults you again and again, and yet their apology, to your washed brain, represents hope that said asshole will change. Well, how about we call bullshit on that theory right now? Because that’s exactly what it is: Bullshit.

Someone who loves you will naturally make mistakes (accidentally forgets a birthday, shows up 10 minutes late to a lunch, spills tea on your favorite rug, steps in dog shit and enters your vehicle) and of course you forgive them. But another asshole discourages every great idea you have, makes you feel bad about yourself, and plays manipulative games of praise and punishment. Guess what? That stupid ass is giving you the greatest gift one can give—honesty. This bastard is showing you his or her true colors and now it is up to you to take that gift of honesty and make a choice—address the actions and give a chance or walk the fuck away, with your dignity intact. That’s power back in your hands, Superstar. That’s badass.

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Some people are supportive, loving, loyal, and make great friends. These folks, Player, are worthy of being your tribe.

Others charm their way into your life and make you feel like a juicy ass turd. Like a sneaky snake ate your sorry ass up and shat you right back out.

The Badass knows the difference.

We humans think we’re so very clever. And yet the Badass animals of the Serengeti, or even the ones howling and yapping just beyond our own back yards know that we are a stupid-ass species as we ignore the gift we’ve been freely given at birth—the ability to quickly determine friend or foe through our own observations and intuition. A Badass individual is honest by being authentic with oneself and with others. A Badass communicates with actions.

“How does that shit look?” you ask.

  • I respect you as a person, so I show up on time.
  • I respect me as a person so I don’t hang around and support the actions of ignorant, hateful people.
  • I respect the planet so I don’t waste shit.
  • I’m a kind motherfucker so I don’t linger in the passing lane on the highway when I’m not planning on passing your slow ass.

If we’d just shut our pie holes for a moment and look up from our technological brain suck devices, we could observe and trust our observations to keep us safe and protect us from liars, narcissists, emotional manipulators, and worse—bonafide assholes. We could take a step out of our desperate dream land and not only regain the ability to use our own Badass intuition to keep us away from the riff-raff, but also to guide us toward the good, the loving, the kind ass bitches (who are everywhere, by the way—just look up) who rather than discourage us from reaching our full potential, are running right along side us in that marathon of sweet dreams, Tiger, with a wink and a high five.

On Filtering Bullshit

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A Badass individual, through trial, error, and life experience, has mastered one of nature’s most pertinent arts—when and when not to give a shit.

Hence, the Badass Bullshit Filter.

As insecure children, we feared others—their glaring stares, their blatant lies, their stinging gossip, their mean-spirited manipulations. No one liked being called “Smelly Kelly” or “Stupid Stan”. So our voices shrunk, we ceased owning our own space on the planet, and we became smaller than small. We lusted for invisibility cloaks. As we grew older, we hid behind dramatic bangs. We quietly and submissively gave value to everyone’s thoughts and opinions about us, whether true to us or not—teachers, students, siblings, grocery store clerks, the ice cream man, and the like. Why? We were ignorant to and had not yet begun to develop our own custom Badass Bullshit Filter.

Now, if Kelly had a genuine problem with properly washing her own funky ass, and Stan was too goddamned lazy to learn some shit, that is clearly something Kelly or Stan needed to take responsibility for and fix (and not for anyone but themselves in regard to their own health, hygiene, and success, of course).

Every Badass knows taking responsibility for oneself is the number one rule for becoming a true Badass (which would put Kelly and Stan in the lead, if this was, indeed, their chosen course of action).

Steps to building your very own Badass Bullshit Filter:

1. Recognize what you value in life and in others.

If you prefer kind-hearted people over mean sons o’ bitches, then only place value on and consider the thoughts and opinions of the kind-hearted.

2. Filter out the rest (which is all bullshit, Chief).

Disregard, discard, and disown anything that comes from a mean son of a bitch. Why?

Anything and everything that comes out of an asshole is shit.

 

You’re welcome.

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On Appointing One’s Assembly

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Badasses Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Dare I say that all plants are potentially little Badasses?

“How could that be? I’ve killed every plant I’ve owned,” you say. “Not the other way around.”

Simple. You’ve killed them because you’re not a Badass. Not yet. Let me explain.

  • A badass individual does not kill plants because a Badass doesn’t take on more responsibility than a Badass can handle.
  • A Badass, then, will not commit to a relationship with another being (yes, plants are beings–they eat, breath, and require care to live) until that Badass understands, accepts, and agrees to the care and commitment the other requires.
    • Badasses know, honor, and respect their own personal limitations.

We’ll discuss limits and shit at a later time. Now, let’s talk about how badasses are like plants.

A plant knows it cannot grow and thrive for long when it shares space with weeds. Why? Weeds are selfish, narcissistic little bastards that have no care but to feed and nourish themselves, therefore taking the nourishment right from the good plant, eventually killing it.

“Fuck that shit,” says your mama’s geraniums. In unison.

Sound familiar? Sound like those dumb-ass-going-no-wheres you’ve been spending your precious time with? Remind you of that bitch-ass relative of yours who likes to degrade your every positive move and create constant chaos by causing disagreements, false scenarios, and emotional manipulations? How about those “friends” of yours who seem to have caught the crab mentality (“If i can’t have it, neither can you.”)?

Good. Admit that shit, wipe that tear away, and listen up, Superstar. It’s about to get real.

Weeds will always grow up and thrive around healthy plants, but if the healthy plant has a boundary around it, root deep, and is maintained on a regular basis, the weeds cannot progress to sucking the life out of the healthy plant. That’s badass.

“What does a plant, or weeds for that matter, have to do with me, punkass?” you ask.

Clearly you’ve not yet reached badass status. Badasses are patient, attentive listeners. Sit your no-attention-span-having ass down and take a deep breath. Exhale that shit slowly while you open that sweet-ass mind of yours.

Ready? Good.

My point: so can you, Sensei, create healthy boundaries around your sweet little innocent heart. Treat that shit like a prized garden. Weeds may pop up now and again, but if you treat your little “garden” with love and respect, tilling the soil, weeding it ever so diligently, fulfilling its needs–you’d better believe peace, beauty, and all that good shit under the sun will prevail.

Ever hear the saying, “You are only as good as the company you keep”?

Indeed, hero. Indeed.

On Voting (and Making A Muthafuckin’ Difference)

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Vote at the polls if your sweet little political ass is so inclined to. But more importantly—think about this shit, Sugar-Cakes—you must know your truest vote, your most powerful vote, your most badass of votes is how you spend your time and your money on a daily basis.

How are you voting today, rockstar? Boom.

Your Most Powerful Vote

Dislike animal cruelty, yet you find the shampoo you are using is tested on trapped, tortured rabbits. Change your vote. Stop buying that fucked up bullshit this instant. Stop supporting the heartless bastards that do it. (And if you feel like your stringy-ass hair is worth torturing another living being, you may as well stop reading this shit right now.)

Dislike the way big warehouse stores are treating your town and its employees? Change your vote. Stop buying that shit. Stop supporting the careless, thoughtless, selfish bastards that are creating that environment.

Dislike reality television? Change your vote. Turn that shit off. Find something else to do with your lazy ass. The more you tune in, more of the like will be created. We, a.k.a ‘the consumers’, create the trends, not the other way around. Yes, WE have the power, so take that shit back with a vengeance, you Badass mother, you.

Only a Badass can change the world.

“But how will just one person not buying a product change anything?” you ask.

Think about this shit. Your local drug store carries your favorite rabbit torture shampoo. You notice the store shelf is usually stocked with about 10 bottles whenever you go in. You and perhaps a few others in your neighborhood normally buy that product. When you, one person, ceases to buy that torturous shampoo, there is one more bottle left on the shelf. And when you, one person, begins buying the cruelty free shampoo, that store will see the trend. And if one friend or neighbor does the same . . . you see where I’m going with this shit? Sweet-Cheeks, I know you’re not stupid.

Remember, WE, a.k.a ‘the consumers’, create the trends. And we, a.k.a ‘the consumers’, have the power to change things with our time and money vote.

Like a boss.

On Knowing One’s Beliefs

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A genuine badass individual, in order to promote inner tranquility and freedom for all, may (or may not) choose to follow or practice a religion, philosophy, or a particular belief structure. Upon making an educated effort to ascertain the foundations, origins, and historical facts of said religion, philosophy, or particular belief structure, one becomes secure enough in one’s own badass state of being to allow others the very same freedoms. Like one of those badass peaceful manatees, all cute and cuddly and shit.

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Badass Manatees

A Badass is secure enough in his/her own beliefs to learn the traditions and rituals of others and not feel threatened by them. Hate comes from fear. That’s right. I said it. Know this Sugar-Cheeks, and don’t forget it: hate (for anything or anyone) comes from fear. Fear comes from the unknown. The unknown to you is your own ignorance. So basically, if you fear someone or something (a person of another culture, a religion, a gay coworker, a straight politician, a juicy-ass Jerusalem cricket, your neighbor’s Doberman Pinscher) it’s because you don’t have an understanding or any familiarity with that someone or something. So, if you hate something or someone due to fear, NEWS FLASH: your ass is ignorant. BOOM. Don’t you argue with me, honeychile. Just sit your ass down and meditate on that sweet-ass shit for a while.

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Welcome back. ॐ

I’ll tell you what the problem is . . . it falls within our own goddamned domestication. We weren’t often taught as children at home or in school to venture outside of our own comfort zone and get to know others. We stay away from the people, we preach our own beliefs, we kill the bugs (and sometimes the animals and people). We are taught only to compete with others, feel sorry for others, or stay away from others. Violence is given more tolerance than tolerance itself.

Let’s go down the rabbit hole a bit and dare ask . . . who the hell benefits from fear? You? Me? Certainly not the Badass individual. But like good little puppets, fearful individuals do buy a lot of motherfuckin’ shit . . . .

On Knowing One’s People

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A badass individual elects and appoints a worthy assembly as one’s badass company, choosing to congregate with those who share a similar high level of integrity, and excluding or expelling any and all individuals exhibiting disorderly, disrespectful, destructive and/or self-destructive behavior. Like a Badass motherfuckin’ tree. Or a healthy garden plant, perhaps.

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Trees are Badasses

“A tree? A plant? WTF?” you ask.

That’s right. Nature’s trees are our steadfast teachers. Good thing for us, whether we reside in the city or countryside, they’re all around us. Why? Because nature itself is a true Badass that cannot be stopped. Wise up and observe, princess. Trees will push up through some thick ass concrete, grow through a chainlink fence, and “play dead” over a snowy winter only to yield delicious fruit for your hungry ass in the warmer months.

Those sweet-assed bastards.

Scarred, but showing no fear. Cast out and abandoned, but never hesitating to get its needs met by any means necessary. Chopped the fuck up, but never holding back from giving homes, shade, oxygen, and nourishment to those in need. Trees are no sheltered, selfish bastards. Hell, no. Trees are Badasses in the truest sense of the word.

These mighty warriors see that life’s elements and environments can be harsh, yet life’s outcome is always what you make of that shit. A tree needs sunshine to thrive, so that motherfucker will grow its way around any obstacle to get itself some sunshine. He doesn’t stay stuck in a situation that isn’t good for him simply because it’s comfortable and he’s used to it. A tree knows that if she’s not growing, she’s dying, so rather than wait for some asshole to *finally* adore her, she looks out for her own ass, getting what she needs before she can give, as should we.

A Badass is kind to one’s self, not afraid to out-grow and leave behind any environment that is not nourishing to one’s growth and well-being. Or else one is a stupid-ass.

Preamble

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We, the Badasses of the world, in Order to form a more Badass state of Being, assume personal Integrity, promote inner Tranquility, avoid unnecessary drama, think Logically, laugh heartily, and share the Blessings of badass Freedom with ourselves and with all future generations, do ordain and establish this Badass Constitution.

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Preamble for the Badass Constitution