Life

On Wisdom

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A badass individual acknowledges that no one, including oneself (as Badass as one might be), has the capacity to know everything. And because of this, the Badass is on a constant mission to gain knowledge, and by any means necessary.

There once was a wise, silly old Badass with a bushy-ass mustache, and under the pen name Mark Twain was believed to have said,

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

In other words, don’t speak of what you don’t know.

Ain’t that some truth to keep you and I out of trouble?

Damn straight.

But the true Badass wouldn’t stop there. The Badass would investigate and research the topic so that if the conversation was ever revisited, the Badass would have something worthwhile to add. (And a Badass is always worthwhile.)

The above quote attributed to Twain, for instance, has been known to have been coined not only by Twain, but Abraham Lincoln, the Bible, and various others. The Badass would not post or share that shit until further investigating just to be sure Mr. Clemens, a.k.a. Mr. Twain, did in fact give this wise-ass piece of advice (so as not to misquote or mislead some motherfuckers). This golden rule would apply to Badass journalists, writers, teachers, and friends as well: Don’t speak of what you don’t know; if you don’t know, find out.

Which leads us to another Badass. Enter the Badass Quote Investigator, Garson O’Toole from Yale and shit.

“Just why is Garson O’Toole deemed a Badass?” you ask.

As made evident by his website, this bastard is unstoppable when it comes to researching the source of quotes. And more importantly, he doesn’t just keep the information for himself and laugh at the blatant stupidity of the rest of our sorry asses–he shares that shit with the world. That’s right–makin’ the world a better, more informed place and shit–one curiosity at a time.

That, Commander, is Badass defined.

He shared that the quote can most likely be attributed to Maurice Switzer, in her book “Mrs. Goose, Her Book” published in 1907 and with slightly different wording (though the same meaning):

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”

Read that shit.

That quote is one for every Badass to hold dear and as doctrine. That quote, with it’s source found, is one that a Badass can share with confidence.

Badass bottom line:

The Badass won’t speak of what they don’t know; if they don’t know, they’ll find out.

On Tolerance

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It is much easier to judge than to love, which is why you are more likely to find folks flappin’ at the mouth rather than listening to others with open hearts and minds.

You’ll know a righteous Badass by their keen ability to listen, accept, and tolerate those who disagree with them.

The Badass is confident enough to not feel threatened by disagreements and differences, but instead is intrigued and ultimately enriched by them.

All unshakable and shit.

On Financial Freedom (and Obtaining a GFY Fund)

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Self-reliant Badass Tortoise

A respectable Badass of the highest order owes no one, unless, of course, said Badass acknowledges, takes responsibility for, and willingly agrees to said debt.

A true Badass also acknowledges nothing is owed to a Badass individual. Like one of those Agassiz’s desert tortoises–self-reliant little Badass bastards, they are.

. . . . .

Though we aren’t taught this shit in school (due to the main priority being training us to be good little consumers as we are barraged with ads and such), a trade secret in life is this: every Badass invests in a GFY Fund.

Don’t know what that is, Boss? Let me explain.

Imagine for a second that money (or lack there of) is no issue in your life. Bills are paid, car loan is non-existent, credit card is current, retirement fund is growing, and your ass is planning your next vacation to some dreamy, exotic destination. Can you feel that wonderful, comforting, magical shit? Shine sweet freedom, says that smooth Badass, Michael McDonald. And so soon will you, Sensei. Just wait.

In this scenario, you might love your job and not desire to lose it, but if the company decides to do a mass layoff with your successful ass included in the goodbye-bunch, it won’t kill you. You won’t panic. Your panties will not be in a twist. You won’t gingerly walk in to your office each day, heart pumping a million miles per second, fearing they will “let you go”. Hells to the no. You’ve got skills and you’ve got back-up.

But let’s face it–for most of us, this shit is not the case.

“It’s a fuckin’ dream land, a fantasy,” you say.

Hang in there with me for a second, Captain.

Admit it: some shit we buy purely to be noticed, to look tough, to be accepted–often stemming from being barraged by ads telling us “how we should be” during our vulnerable childhood years (lying bastards!). And what does that make us do? It forces us to be slaves to the economy.

It feels good after a tough week working under a narcissistic asshole to go out drinking and shopping at the weekend (in order to “reward ourselves”). But then, as is secretly and carefully designed, we must begrudgingly return on Monday to the asshole employer, endure abuses, then keep our mouths shut so we can keep our jobs to keep paying for the shit we buy to “reward ourselves” for dealing with the bullshit.

I call this the Bullshit Cycle.

“Just how does one Badass avoid the Bullshit Cycle?” you ask.

I can’t wait to tell you, Sport.

What your ass needs is to invest in a GFY Fund. (When teaching this shit to the kids–as you should–feel free to call it a Freedom Fund instead.) A Go-Fuck-Yourself Fund is money set aside in an account that enables you to say “Go Fuck Yourself” (in words, in actions, and/or in attitude) to assholes and others you no longer choose to align your Badass self with: whether they be bosses, significant others, roommates, parents, or the like.

Roommate’s cat pissed in your shoes again? Don’t get mad. It’s OK. You can move the fuck out. Why? You have a GFY Fund.

Live-in boyfriend is starting to question your every wherabouts more and more, showing up unannounced at after-work gatherings with friends, and you’re sick of finding his sticky piss all around the toilet seat and floor (because, why the fuck don’t all men sit on the toilet when they piss at home? This ain’t no goddamned urinal!)? No worries. It’s OK. You can smile and move the fuck out. Why? Because your smart little ass has a GFY Fund.

Employer is on your ass 24/7, manipulating you into working inhumane hours (and not paying you for that shit) all the while heaping non-deserved insults at your sorry ass on the daily? You can give a powerful “no” to that shit. You can ask for more money, set hours, and respect. Or, you can pack up your sweet valuables, Jedi, then moonwalk the fuck out of that toxic environment so your asshole employer can see your grinning face as you gracefully depart. Why? Because your well-prepared ass has a muthafuckin’ GFY Fund, baby.

“How does one obtain one of these GFY Funds?” you ask.

Good question, Sparky.

Let me first ask you this: What are you willing to temporarily sacrifice in order to build yourself a GFY Fund cushion, and therefore a more fulfilled life?

Do you buy coffee every morning? That’s about $2,200 a year, Player. What if you made that shit at home for a few years in order to build your GFY Fund?

Netflix, Amazon, Hulu–how much are you paying for that shit every month when you can get your entertainment (DVDs, CDs, books, etc.) from the local library (or by walking your lazy ass out in nature)? Your hermit ass might even meet someone there. Think about that potent shit for a moment.

Is that expensive car lease giving you true happiness or committing you to more days working for that heartless, mean-ass bastard? Think about this shit: a Mercedes will get you to work; a Honda will get a much deserved vacation, Rockstar. And better yet, a more fulfilled life.

How much do you make per hour? Let’s say, for example, that amount is $20/hour. Every $20 you DON’T spend on unnecessary shit (a sweater to wear as your slave uniform at that terrible job you have, for instance), is one hour you don’t need to work for the heartless, mean-ass tyrant of an employer.

Get it?

So the how is this: every dime you spend, you must ask yourself, “Is this item worth my putting up with ___ many hours of the Bullshit Cycle? Or can I invest this amount in my GFY Fund? Then, BOOM. Your GFY Fund either grows or stays as is. Your choice, Partner.

You can only grow your GFY Fund by putting your own health, happiness, and well-being first.

Yippee ki-yay, you little Badass, you.

On Voting (and Making A Muthafuckin’ Difference)

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Vote at the polls if your sweet little political ass is so inclined to. But more importantly—think about this shit, Sugar-Cakes—you must know your truest vote, your most powerful vote, your most badass of votes is how you spend your time and your money on a daily basis.

How are you voting today, rockstar? Boom.

Your Most Powerful Vote

Dislike animal cruelty, yet you find the shampoo you are using is tested on trapped, tortured rabbits. Change your vote. Stop buying that fucked up bullshit this instant. Stop supporting the heartless bastards that do it. (And if you feel like your stringy-ass hair is worth torturing another living being, you may as well stop reading this shit right now.)

Dislike the way big warehouse stores are treating your town and its employees? Change your vote. Stop buying that shit. Stop supporting the careless, thoughtless, selfish bastards that are creating that environment.

Dislike reality television? Change your vote. Turn that shit off. Find something else to do with your lazy ass. The more you tune in, more of the like will be created. We, a.k.a ‘the consumers’, create the trends, not the other way around. Yes, WE have the power, so take that shit back with a vengeance, you Badass mother, you.

Only a Badass can change the world.

“But how will just one person not buying a product change anything?” you ask.

Think about this shit. Your local drug store carries your favorite rabbit torture shampoo. You notice the store shelf is usually stocked with about 10 bottles whenever you go in. You and perhaps a few others in your neighborhood normally buy that product. When you, one person, ceases to buy that torturous shampoo, there is one more bottle left on the shelf. And when you, one person, begins buying the cruelty free shampoo, that store will see the trend. And if one friend or neighbor does the same . . . you see where I’m going with this shit? Sweet-Cheeks, I know you’re not stupid.

Remember, WE, a.k.a ‘the consumers’, create the trends. And we, a.k.a ‘the consumers’, have the power to change things with our time and money vote.

Like a boss.